It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
