Your tits are I can't wait for
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
this hospital has no fireball
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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