I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize