I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
