i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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