Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
