Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
NoShamevember. You game?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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