you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
