the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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