Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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