my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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