Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
