my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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