i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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