Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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