I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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