i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
