Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
