im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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