I've blown a few things in my day
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
