If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How does one acquire holy water?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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