I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
