I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
