Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
