Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
