I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
