do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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