as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
