They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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