her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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