I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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