did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
