all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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