I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
