i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
