you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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