I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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