everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
