dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
