The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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