She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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