i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
