You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
