i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
