im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
