he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
