i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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