You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
