I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize