You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
