I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
