I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize