part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
