If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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