I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
