btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
