sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
