I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
