just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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