OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
