12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize