the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
