Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
