Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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