Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
