I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
