i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
