at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
