Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
