my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
