Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
