so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
