Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
