dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
only if we run a train.
done.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
