Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
