I heard we made out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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