next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you are never too drunk for berry picking
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
